I know it’s not even close to Thanksgiving, but I said I’d run the comics in order. This kind of thing was inevitable.
There are those who would say that every day is Thanksgiving Day, because we should all be grateful every day for all the blessings in our lives. The irony is that people who say stuff like that often make the people around them less grateful, and feel less blessed.
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Also, the man has a full head of hair and, from, the looks of it, uses motor oil as hair gel.
And he dated Meg Ryan. That irritates me to no end as well.
Note from Missy: Eight years later, Scott still shakes a fist and has stern words to say about John Cougar Mellencamp every time the guy’s music comes up. So don’t get on Scott’s loathe-list, because that thing has a long, long life.
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For the record, the battleship Bismarck was running from a flotilla of enemy ships, all intent on sinking her, and was struck by a torpedo dropped from a biplane, because we used to do that sort of thing.
The torpedo damaged the steering system, fusing one of the rudders in place and leaving the Bismarck only able to steer in a giant circle, with the flotilla coming to destroy it with no means getting away. I think we can all agree, for the sailors on board, it must have been one of history’s finest examples of a “real bummer.”
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In retrospect, there are changes I would make to this product. The doll would be integrated, and it would be a one-piece toy the child pushes around, like those popcorn popper things, only the wheels spinning would drive the baby’s head swinging back and forth, and the mechanical siren would be like a small air raid klaxon.
I know it sounds awful, but I promise you, it would sell. No parent would buy it, but the friends or siblings of parents would.
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A lesser cartoonist would have continued this story in many later comics. A better cartoonist would have too. Really, almost any cartoonist who isn’t me would have, but my approach was different. Let's be honest; when you reuse the same artwork every week, it doesn’t speak to an interest in character development.
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When I moved to Florida, I had a couple of people refer to Missy as my “lady.” I figure it’s an east coast thing. It makes our relationship sound like something out of an R and B slow jam, which is really cool, but, if you know us, you’ll admit, completely at odds with our image in every way.
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If I were the boss of an office somewhere, I’d have an employee of the month, but it would be sarcastic. They’d get a tiny little plaque, their picture hung in one of the bathroom stalls, and the exclusive use of the parking spot farthest from the front door.
Nobody works for me, so I am my own employee of the month, every month. And, yes, I do still mean that sarcastically.
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The Princess Bride is full of great band names! Shrieking Eels, Montoya, Too Many Spaniards, Fezzik, Iocane, The More Deadly Poisons, R.O.U.S., Fire Swamp, Lightning Sand, Count Rugen, Six-Fingered Man, Pirate Ship Revenge, The Sound of Ultimate Suffering, Humiliations Galore, To Blathe, Mostly Dead, A Little Alive, That Blessed Arrangement, To the Pain. These are just the ones I’m coming up with off the top of my head.
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I could have set up the me-my boss-our client relationship like a game of rock-paper-scissors, where each of us could hurt one other person while being vulnerable to the other. Instead, I set it up more like the three-way gunfight at the end of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, with everyone being hostile to everyone else.
With the first set up, any time two of the three people involved met, there would be a clear winner. In the second setup, nobody ever truly wins, which fits the tone of Basic Instructions perfectly, and better reflects real life.
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It’s absolutely true. I’ve been driving since I was 16. For many years, I was a stand-up comedian in the western United States, which means I was essentially a long-haul trucker driving around in a hatchback, and whose only cargo was my setlist and two decent outfits. Even with all of that driving, I have no moving violations and no at-fault accidents. Still, nobody wants to ride in a car that I’m driving.
The reason I give in the comic is also accurate. There’s something about the way I manipulate the gas pedal that doesn’t affect me, but other people’s stomachs react as if they’re riding a tilt-a-whirl.
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