Happy Thanksgiving (Yes, it's August. This is when it came up, okay?!)

I said it in kindergarten, and have repeated it every year since. TURKEYS DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT! If you saw any living creature that looked remotely like that abomination, you’d run screaming into the night. You certainly wouldn’t want to eat it.

Imagine how disturbing Thanksgiving would be if turkeys looked like that. Kids shouting, “I get one of the giant fingerlike growths on its back!”

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Prepare for the Apocalypse

Ric and I have discussed what we would be if the Mad Max future came to pass. The most realistic option seems to be, “Victim who perished in the first few hours of the ’poxyclypse.”

If we survived beyond that, we’d probably be either, “Pith helmet-wearing gyrocopter captain,” or “Guy in torn tuxedo who MCs Thunderdome.”

That said, I’d totally watch a movie about those two guys striking up an unlikely partnership and roaming the wasteland looking for food.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Create a Weapon That Is Devastating and Unstoppable

Let’s be fair. It’s easy to poke holes in the design of Imperial AT-ATs, but we all know that they were made the way they were for one, and only one reason; because George Lucas thought they would look cool.

He was right.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Play Video Games "Together"

Missy is, for the most part, better at video games than I am. Especially open world games. That’s not because I’m not good in a video game fire fight. It’s just that open world games require you to find your way around, and I can barely do that in real life.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Get amazing Kicks from Something "Normal" People Will Never Understand

I had a boxed set of The Prisoner on DVD. It came with a documentary, made while the creator (head writer and star of the show, Patrick McGoohan) was still alive. Everyone they interviewed said he was a gentleman, that it was an honor to work with him, and that people didn’t understand the last few episodes of the show because he was misunderstood and ahead of his time.

Now I have a boxed set of The Prisoner on Blu-ray. That set came with a documentary made after Patrick McGoohan’s death. Many of the people interviewed say that he was a nightmare to work with, and that the last few episodes made no sense because he was making it up as he went, had written himself into a corner, and ended up having to turn in whatever ideas he had whether they made sense or not.

In this case the Blu-ray set makes more than just the picture and sound clearer.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Answer a Trivia Question

TRUE STORY! This idiot comes up to me, asks me this trivia question (can I name all ten Disney movies that have one-word titles). I puzzle over it for a while, then give up and ask him what the answer is, and he admits that he doesn’t know.

That should be illegal, or at the very least, physically assaulting him shouldn’t be.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Tell Someone About Your Dreams

I seem to vaguely remember that I did have a dream about Tim Gunn building a submarine.

I do want to be thin, smart, successful, polite, well dressed, and dignified. I think, on good days, I manage to pull off polite.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to make a Fortune in the Halloween Costume Industry

For the record, the Sexy Edgar Allen Poe costume would be a black speedo, a black cape, and a stuffed raven.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Pick Your All-Time Top Five Movies

Yes, I know that Belloq was a Nazi collaborator, and no, I do not in any way condone that. I needed a joke, and I didn’t think it would have been funny to have any of the positive characters be my role model, so I made the choice I made.

In retrospect, I should have picked Marcus Brody. I could plausibly get lost in my own museum.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Understand Your Enemy

The rocket-propelled head-butt would be Rocket Hat’s chief offensive move. He’d probably call it the “War-Head,” just to get that “butt” out of there.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).