How to Weather Change
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How to Seem Wise
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How to Share a Strange Realization
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How to React to the Inevitable Progression of Technology
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How to Make Peace
Way back in the mists of time, I participated in more than one roast. I was always surprised how few of the comedians ever bothered to actually write new material specifically about the person being roasted. Most of them seemed to just go up and do their usual act with some half-hearted segue to make it seem like the bit you’d seen them do a million times was somehow about the person being honored.
I thought about that while I was watching a documentary about the comedian Bob Einstein (A.K.A. Super Dave Osborne). He is the brother of Albert Brooks. Their father was a well-known comedian way back in the day. Bob Einstein swore he would never go into comedy after attending his father’s funeral, because Milton Berle got up, and instead of actually saying anything about the deceased, just did his act.
I wish I found that hard to believe.
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How to Address an Ongoing Argument
Of course, the problem with the stun setting is that whoever you stun falls down, and could easily break a bone, suffer serious neck or back injuries, receive a concussion, or “accidentally” die in any number of ways.
I figure the Starfleet equivalent of Internal Affairs would be bugging Kirk on a weekly basis.
Starfleet Inquisitor: I’m here to talk about that Klingon you killed.
Kirk: I stunned him.
Starfleet Inquisitor: In the back, and then he fell three hundred feet.
Kirk: It’s not my fault he was standing on the edge of a cliff.
Starfleet Inquisitor: We have reason to believe you stunned him, then dragged him to the cliff and rolled him off.
Kirk: (stuns the Starfleet Inquisitor.)
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How to "Riff" on an Idea
I don’t know when comedians started using the word “riff.” I’m certain that it stems from some stand-up comics’ delusional wish to be seen as the jazz musicians of comedy. Just like some other stand-up comics claim to be the fighter pilots of comedy.
Those are both things I had more than one comedian say to me over the course of my comedy career.
Whenever somebody tells you they’re the “something much cooler” of “whatever it is that they actually are,” it’s indicative of a serious self-esteem problem. Take it from someone who grew up near Yakima, the town that calls itself “The Palm Springs of Washington.”
Hey, by the way, my latest book, Run Program, is out now! It's a book about a rogue AI that has the intelligence of a child. You might think that would make the AI less dangerous, but you'd be wrong. Anyway, I'm quite proud of it. Please check it out, if you have a chance.
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