How to Pass a Folk Legend on to a New Generation

Johnny Appleseed was straight up mentally ill, and I told my second-grade teacher that when she tried to hold him up as some sort of role model.

I saw through the legend of Johnny Appleseed because I was from the Yakima Valley, land of the Red Delicious apple, which I have before referred to as “the crappy fruit that’s  name is a lie.” Growing up with that cursed fruit taught me to view anything apple-related with suspicion, as my mother learned the one time she purchased Apple Jacks cereal. Even now I remain highly skeptical as to how much apple that cereal contains.

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