How to Propose Sweeping Changes
I looked up the meaning of the antiquated slang phrase twenty-three skidoo recently. When I was a kid, people would throw it around mainly as a joke: making fun of themselves, or someone else, for being out of touch and hopelessly behind the times. I always got the impression it was a popular phrase around the same time as singing into a folded-cardboard megaphone while wearing a sweater with a big letter on it.
Anyway, it turns out twenty-three skidoo means that it’s time to make a hasty exit, so it would also work as a good starting announcement in panel two.
Next time you must flee in a hurry, yell “twenty-three skidoo!” It will mark you as a person with both a fine sense of humor, and a fine sense of history. Also, it might confuse your tormentors enough to give you a tiny head start.
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How to Remain Optimistic
If we ever create an artificial intelligence that is truly superior to us, it may well keep us around to make itself feel superior. It also may to try to improve us, in the spirit of helping the less fortunate.
Imagine a future where robots constantly criticize us or instruct us how to do things, then smother us with condescending praise as we try to follow their advice.
I might prefer extermination.
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How to Address an Ongoing Argument
Of course, the problem with the stun setting is that whoever you stun falls down, and could easily break a bone, suffer serious neck or back injuries, receive a concussion, or “accidentally” die in any number of ways.
I figure the Starfleet equivalent of Internal Affairs would be bugging Kirk on a weekly basis.
Starfleet Inquisitor: I’m here to talk about that Klingon you killed.
Kirk: I stunned him.
Starfleet Inquisitor: In the back, and then he fell three hundred feet.
Kirk: It’s not my fault he was standing on the edge of a cliff.
Starfleet Inquisitor: We have reason to believe you stunned him, then dragged him to the cliff and rolled him off.
Kirk: (stuns the Starfleet Inquisitor.)
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How to Tackle a Project That Seems Impossible
I was the receptionist at an office where everyone had to fill out a specific form every day. Almost nobody did it. The person in charge made it my responsibility to make sure everyone filled out their form.
Of course, I was the lowest person on the totem pole in that office, so I couldn’t use fear of punishment to make them fill out the form. Instead, I had to rely on charm and their respect for me and my opinion of them.
I’d bet that you can predict how well that worked.
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How to Explain Yourself
A mutual friend once asked Ric how someone gets through my shell to know “the real Meyer.” Ric told them that there is no shell, and what they thought was a shell was “the real Meyer.” Ric told me that later, and I found it funny. He also told me that the person he was talking to looked horrified at that idea, which I found hilarious.
Which, now that I think about it, might be part of the problem.
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How to Be Yourself
There have been times when I’ve been afraid, and I have muttered the following to myself:
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
Many of you probably recognize that’s a quote from Dune. Obviously, I wasn’t afraid of looking like a dork.
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How to Compare and Contrast
I worked at the juice bar at a health club. The sales staff used to come sit at the bar and talk about their work. I would listen to them. I have never even considered signing up for a membership at a health club since.
Also, the lifeguard used to come hang out at the juice bar. Note: I did not say that he did this when he was “off duty.” He would often be the only lifeguard on duty when he was at my bar instead of in his super-tall chair by the pool. I asked him how he could see people drowning in the pool in another room while watching the TV at the juice bar. His answer was, “Someone’ll come get me. There’s plenty of time. The human brain can last four minutes without oxygen.”
Like I said, I haven’t even considered joining a health club since I worked at that place.
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