How to Avoid Blame

Reading this comic about an unhealthy working dynamic puts me in mind of Peter Jackson’s Beatles documentary, Get Back; but pretty much everything reminds me of it at the moment. That’s the natural side effect of spending nearly a week working through a documentary that is almost eight hours long.

I wonder if my enjoyment of Get Back might be a form of Stockholm Syndrome. I’ve spent so much time with the Beatles that I’ve started to sympathize with them.

I won’t spoil anything about the documentary here, but those who have seen it will know what I’m talking about when I say, “Dude, shut up about your amphitheater in Libya. Nobody’s interested.”

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How to Confront Someone

I’ve had people in my life who have pushed me to do things that I didn’t think I could. They always couch it as an attempt to help me, but think about this: the thing they encouraged me to achieve was always something they themselves wanted me to do.

They expressed faith in me that if I worked hard enough and faced my fears, I could do what they wanted.

Kinda makes it seem less benevolent, doesn’t it?

I’m just saying, my mother expressed confidence that I could keep my room clean and get good grades, but her faith in my ability to become a notorious cat burglar seemed to be lacking.

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How to Evaluate Your Formative Influences

When we were kids, my older brother had a sure-fire method for solving the Rubik’s Cube. The method was to break it apart and then put it back together. Solved!

A few years ago, I decided to teach myself how to actually solve the Rubik’s Cube. There is a method that involves starting with the cube held in a certain position then following a defined set of steps that results in a fully solved cube every time, if you can remember all of the steps. I worked at it, practiced every day, and in time I proved that I could learn all of the steps and solve the Rubik’s Cube on my own.

Then I stopped practicing every day, and proved that I could also forget all of the steps.

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How to Learn from Others

When I was a road comic, I used to carry a Ziploc bag to put the hotel TV remote in so I could use the remote without actually having to touch it.  The initial idea was that perfect strangers had used the remote and I couldn’t trust them to not be disgusting. Over time I learned that many of the hotels had specific rooms, rooms undesirable to guests, that they would put the comedian in every week. This meant that I knew many of the people who had used the remote before me.

That made me want to double-bag the remote.

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How to Troubleshoot a Concept

The Disney corporation is building a high-tech resort at Walt Disney World designed to give guests the experience of actually spending a couple of days in the Star Wars universe. The building creates the illusion that it is a space liner, and costumed cast members will rove around giving guests various tasks and involving them in “galactic intrigue.”

This does not sound recreational to me. Maybe it’s because I’ve had the experience of random Disney cast members I don’t know assigning me nonsensical tasks. It was when I worked there. The cast members giving me tasks were called Leaders.

My favorite example of this was one day when I had parade duty. It was raining, but guests remained in their spots along the parade route hoping the weather would break. A Leader I didn’t know handed me a broom and told me to sweep the water off of the road.

I pointed out that sweeping water away while it was still raining was useless.

The Leader said, “Maybe, but we want the guests to see that we’re doing something.”

I said, “Yeah, something stupid.” But, to be honest, I said it under my breath as I started sweeping the water out of the road.

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How to Get Feedback on Your Ideas

I defy you to tell me how any of these actual Hallmark Christmas Ornaments have any relation at all to Christmas.

I am aware one of these is not from Star Trek. It still doesn’t exactly scream “Christmas,” does it?

Yes, these are all from my personal collection. That’s beside the point.

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How to Accept Assistance

Someday, somebody is going to make a Tiger King-style documentary about Gallagher (the famous comedian and enemy of all watermelons) and his brother Ron Gallagher, otherwise known as Gallagher II, or Gallagher Too.

The broad strokes of the story are:

Leo Gallagher, who I will from here on out refer to as Gallagher, became a famous comedian, playing large theaters and small arenas all over the country.

Gallagher had a brother named Ron, who looked a lot like him.

Ron asked if he could put together an act made up of a bunch of Gallagher’s older material, including the Sledge-O-Matic, and play smaller venues where they couldn’t afford Gallagher. Gallagher agreed to this, as long as the advertising made it clear that the show featured Ron Gallagher, not Gallagher.

Allegedly, after a few years of this arrangement, Ron’s advertisements became less obvious about which Gallagher people could expect. I myself remember seeing a newspaper advertisement when he performed at a comedy club in Seattle that left me confused as to which Gallagher was going to show up. I seem to remember the wording being something like, “Here’s your chance to see Gallagher Too!”

Allegedly, Gallagher withdrew his permission for Ron to use his intellectual property.

Allegedly, Ron continued using it anyway.

I also heard a story through the comedy grapevine that Ron Gallagher (again, allegedly) started offering himself to some of the smaller venues Gallagher played at a lower price than his brother, but I’ve found no evidence of this on the web.

The records show that Gallagher sued Ron Gallagher and won.

Allegedly, most of their family sided with Ron.

I once saw Gallagher (the real Gallagher) perform: back in the very early ’90s, my younger brother and I saw him at the Capitol Theater in Yakima, Washington. The show started over an hour late, after Gallagher personally escorted security up into the balcony where he shrieked insults at two guys who had offended his girlfriend. (The guys probably had it coming.) Then, once the show did finally start, he took some time out to complain that the restaurant down the street had the temerity to charge him full price for his dinner.

 What I’m saying is that I’m not surprised that there’s some emotional volatility in his family.

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How to Adjust Your Strategy

It’s amazing what we can accomplish when we’re properly motivated. I hate running, but I suspect I could have been a competitive sprinter if they somehow got a cat to act like it was going to throw up on one of my belongings just beyond the finish line. I know it would be very difficult to train a cat that way, but they could have used a crude robot, like the mechanical rabbit at a dog track.

Note from Missy: The funniest part of this strip for me is my character saying, “I hate hearing you shout obscenities,” because if I gave my mouth free rein, it’d be mother&^@#ing vulgarities all day long.

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How to Reconnect with Someone You Haven't Seen in a Long Time

I’ve written a lot here about my time as a receptionist/office manager. I fear I’ve given the impression that I spent a lot of time dealing with unhappy customers in that job, but that’s not the case. People who came in saw me answering phones, greeting visitors, and offering them coffee. If the visitor was unhappy with our very important work, I was the one person in the entire place that they knew had nothing to do with their problem. Even unimportance has its upside.

The only time I really had to deal with someone irate was when one of the senior staff members was unexpectedly and unceremoniously fired. He was shown to the lobby, my domain, and told to wait there with me while his former supervisor gathered his things from his desk. That was a long fifteen minutes. Once I determined that he did not want a cup of coffee, we had very little pleasant to discuss.

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How to Maximize Your Marketing Strategy

In England they could call it Good Riddance Day.

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