I did have a fitness tracker for a while, but I found it to have a fundamental design flaw, which was that I was able to strap it to my right arm, or, as I call it, “my eatin’ arm.” When placing a forkful of food in your mouth counts as a step, the day’s final step count loses its accuracy as a measure of how hard you’re working to lose weight.
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Also, again, I had no problem with the idea that my mother found men attractive. It was the frequency, enthusiasm, and specificity with which she expressed that attraction, and the monstrous, wheezy-voiced, golem-made-flesh she expressed it for.
One bright spot of the last few years is that it has completely vindicated my position on the phrase “You have to admit.” If we’ve all learned one thing, it’s that nobody ever has to admit anything.
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This is only tangentially related. (It has to do with certain primates having hand-like feet.)
I have no intention of ever getting a tattoo, but if I someday do, it will probably be of this image.
The only funny part of a knock-knock joke is the look of despair and audible groan that usually comes out of the person being told the joke immediately after they realize they are, in fact, about to endure a knock-knock joke. Anything amusement anybody may feel after that is an unanticipated bonus.
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Decades later, “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves is still the best musical shorthand for happiness. If you hear that song play in a movie, you know exactly what emotion you are meant to detect. Someday “Happy” by Pharrell Williams might take the crown, but he had to literally name the song “Happy” to even come close to challenging the champ.
When “Happy” became a big hit, I wonder if Katrina and the Waves were bummed . . . and what Katrina and the Waves being bummed would even sound like.
If I were a billionaire, I’d gather all of the members of Katrina and the Waves to do a cover of “A Long December” by Counting Crows.
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When I was something like ten years old an uncle of mine explained his genuine belief that connecting your TV to a coaxial cable allowed the networks to watch you as you watched TV. Not to keep track of what you were viewing and for how long; to literally watch a video feed of your home. That’s the kind of conversation that makes an impression on a kid. It was the first time I realized that some adults are nuts.
That uncle is still alive and believes that he prevented himself from getting COVID-19 by “coughing extra deep” to “get the virus out of his lungs.”
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I do have a collapsible pointer. I keep it right here on my desk. These days, I mainly use it to retrieve cat toys from under furniture. Whenever I use it that way, the cats bat at the end of the pointer, essentially turning the pointer into a cat toy as well, and making me wonder why I’m bothering to fish the stuffed mouse out from under the couch.
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Actually, Patrick Stewart owned a hairpiece, and wore it for some of his Picard auditions. Also, for many years, he had (it makes me shudder just to type this) a comb-over. Apparently, it was a particularly unconvincing one.
One night, some friends of his invited him over for dinner and ambushed him. They held his arms down and cut the combover off over his protests. Usually, I would be dead-set against people doing that to another person, forcibly robbing them of their autonomy to do something irreversible they know he does not want, but I feel strongly enough about comb-overs that I have trouble condemning his friends in this case.
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When this comic originally ran, I got accused of “punching down,” which, in retrospect, was a fair criticism. The thing is, I didn’t realize that I was doing that at the time. This was the first time I had to come to grips with the fact that people saw me as “Scott Meyer, successful web cartoonist and novelist,” while I still saw myself as “Scott Meyer, Walt Disney World ride operator, whose hobbies are, at the moment, getting some traction.”
That said, a frustrating bagger is something everybody can relate to. Everybody has experienced bad service. I just needed to realize that nobody wants to hear me complain about it. This was one of the major drawbacks of my comics’ main character being a slightly fictionalized version of myself.
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