How to Understand "Labels"

Once, in a former job, I attended a meeting where we were asked to break the ice by giving one minor detail that would tell the other attendees about us. I mentioned that I had just spent my lunch break watching part of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan on my smartphone. My intention was to tell them that I was a bit of a geek, but I ended up telling them that I was getting old, as over half of the people at the table had never heard of the film, as it had come out years before they were born.

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How to Manage Your Fear

Ric has a dark sense of humor, is clever, and is good with words. These are good things if you’re his friend and want to have a fun conversation. These are bad things if you’re his spouse and are trying to have an argument with him. Once, when discussing an argument he and his (then) wife had the night before, someone referred to Ric’s sense of humor as a “tremendous power” that he needed to “control.”

It was meant as criticism, but he took it as a huge compliment. He told me about it, and we started making jokes about fitting him with a muzzle designed like the X-Man Cyclops’s visor.

To this day, our shorthand for telling someone off is to “open the visor.”

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How to Figure Out What Went Wrong

People did get the characters of Rick and Kate confused. Looking at them, the shirt and hair colors almost matching didn’t help. In my defense, aside from their genders being different, she’s wearing a sweater while he’s wearing jogging shorts, which are like the opposite garments. You can’t see the shorts, but he’s wearing them. Trust me.

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How to Remember That Thing You Can't Remember

Back when I worked for Disney, a coworker came up and said, “There are eight Disney animated films whose titles are just the main character’s name. Can you name them all?”

I spent like a half hour wracking my brain, but I stalled at five. Finally, I gave up and told him to go ahead and tell me the ones I’d missed.

He said, “I don’t know. Someone else asked me to name them all. I couldn’t and it was driving me nuts, so I thought I’d see if you could.”

You just don’t do that! To ask someone a brain teaser like that when you don’t have the answer and can’t end their suffering is cruel! That was one of the two times I’ve ever been angry enough to denounced a coworker as an idiot at work, to their face.

The other was a guy who misidentified the theme from Raiders of the Lost Ark as the theme from Superman.

There’s a list of animated Disney films at this page. Feel free to count them if you wish. There are more than eight.

List of Disney theatrical animated feature films - Wikipedia

Note from Missy: I'm gonna try to do this before I look at the Wikipedia page Scott linked.

Cinderella, Mulan, Aladdin, Pocahontas, Peter Pan ... hmm. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs includes others. Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, and The Great Mouse Detective are all descriptors, not names. (Aurora, Ariel, and Basil ... if you're wondering.)

Yeah, I got stuck at 5 as well! (Checks Wiki) Now how on earth did I forget some of those??

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How to Tell Your Friends About Your Embarrassing Health Issues

Yes, for a while I had warts on the bottom of one foot. They are all gone now, cured by medical science (and acid and knives, used scientifically). I have a very good idea of where I got them and when but the story is both disgusting and boring, so instead I will claim that I was challenged to a barefoot kickboxing match with the local champion, “Warty” McGee.

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How to Recognize a Vicious Circle

My understanding is that Modern design was meant to use common materials and mass production techniques to make high quality, attractive items that were affordable. It’s tempting to claim that was a bit too ambitious, so they dropped the “affordable” part.

But that’s not entirely fair. IKEA does a pretty good job of living up to the idea, even if the stores are built on the concept that you’re more likely to buy furniture if you’re trapped in a baffling maze.

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How to Wear a Hat

When this comic first ran there was an argument in the comments about the concept of “invasive brain surgery.” More than one reader maintained that any brain surgery must be, by definition, invasive.

One of the problems with being kind of a pedant who makes a comic about a guy who’s kind of a pedant is that the comments section will tend to draw pedants.

If you’ve ever wondered why I no longer have comments, now you know.

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How to Understand People Who say They "Hate" Cats

Missy and I have cats. We love our cats. I have also lived in homes with dogs. I loved them as well.

The best dog I’ve ever known was a sixty-pound boxer named Stimpy who believed she was a lap dog. Not only was she just great company, but she also once bit the end off of a rubber squeaky toy and just sat there breathing through the whistle. She looked really pleased with herself.

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How to Manage the Relationship Between Your Spouse and Your Best Friend

If memory serves, there were those who read this comic the first time it was published and felt that Missy should be offended that I suggested that she thinks she’s always right. She was not offended, because she realizes that, for the most part, everyone always thinks they’re right about everything.

People don’t hold on to opinions they know are wrong. They often hold on to opinions they know are unpopular, but they assume they are right, and the majority are wrong.

On the rare occasions that people realize they’re wrong, they rethink things, change their minds, and instantly become convinced that they are right again.

The fact that we both find that kind of logical paradox amusing, or at least that she’s willing to listen as I explain them and find them funny, is part of why we make a good couple.

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How to Explain Your Personal Issues

I’ve stayed in bed and breakfasts twice, both during business travel when I didn’t get to choose my accommodations.

I found it unnerving. The person who runs your credit card and hands you your key greets you by name the next morning when they make your breakfast and comments about how much or little you eat. They also say goodbye every time you leave, say hello every time you return, and ask questions about where you went and what you did. They also clean your room and launder your towels and linens when you leave.

I knew the truth was that they didn’t really care who I was or what I did, but they pretended to care, and that creeped me out.

Also, both of the Bed and Breakfasts I stayed in had weirdly tall beds. Like, higher than waist height. I had to climb up into them. Weird.

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