How to Get Maximum Enjoyment Out of an Internet Meme

When the Trololo thing hit, I was working with a woman just a bit older than me who grew up in the Soviet Union.

Anyway, she remembered that guy, and his work, and assured us that his work was representative of the kind of thing that was on Soviet TV at the time.

Some of our coworkers felt superior. I, on the other hand, remembered Hee Haw, The Mike Douglas Show, and . . . (ugh) Shields and Yarnell. We are not as different as we sometimes like to think.

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How to Engage in Hyperbole

In the process of commenting on a dumb conversation, Missy ends up participating in the dumb conversation, and looking just as dumb as the other two participants.

Something to think about next time two of your friends are having a political argument on Facebook.

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How to Make a Captive Talk Without Resorting to Torture

So the moon minion is asking the emperor to kiss his burnt finger, and the emperor refuses. Fair enough. But we established that the moon emperor somehow applied his own “high-viscosity-moon-saliva” to the minion’s finger.

A better artist might have shown you the saliva application, but given my methods, I would have needed to pose a photograph of Ric sucking on or spitting on someone’s finger. No comic strip is worth that.

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How to Maintain a Positive Attitude About an Unpleasant Task

I’ve said that I consider myself to be the villain of the comic, and the angry customer comics are a good example of why. All he wants is for my company to do the job he paid us to do, and all he gets is abuse.

In this comic though, it’s pretty clear that I’d rather not be abusing the client, and that the boss is making me do it. In essence, the boss is abusing the client, and I’m just a tool with which the boss abuses him.

This is why I’d make a terrible lawyer. Any defense that includes the phrase “I’m just a tool” is a pretty weak defense.

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How to Urge Someone to Seek Medical Attention

Once again, this comic is based on a real conversation I had with an adult. The person had hit their head, and had noticed that the part of their head that they’d hit felt flatter and softer than the rest of their head. They also told me that the spot hurt when they poked it. They poked it several times to demonstrate. When I suggested that they see a doctor, they told me I was being silly.

I wish I were making this up. I am not.

I also know someone who recently had a long series of treatments from an acupuncturist. I asked the two questions people always ask someone who has had acupuncture: did it help (with your ailment) and did it hurt (physically, when they stuck the needles in). They said that they felt better overall, but that while none of the other sessions had hurt, the last one hurt quite badly.

I can’t help but wonder if my friend said or did something that made the acupuncturist mad.

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How to Use the Various Shades and Styles of Sarcasm

Really, if there’s ever a time in your life that you shouldn’t need to make any effort to improve your appearance, it’s when you’re a baby. Humans are wired to find them adorable.

I know what you’re thinking: “What about ugly babies?”

Yes. There are ugly babies. But it’s not like that baby is getting passed over for promotions, or having trouble making friends. A baby doesn’t care about any of those things. The only impact being unattractive has on a baby’s life is fewer strange people invading their personal space, making kissy faces AT THEM. I doubt that the baby would see that as a problem.

Also, if a baby is ugly enough that it does impede their social interactions, I don’t think giving the baby earrings will help.

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How to Use Your Modest Internet Fame to Get What You Want

Yes, I did get sent a google Nexus One. It was a great phone, but I felt a little bit guilty every time I looked at it.

I didn’t get a Japanese toilet seat, but we did need to replace the toilets in our home a while back, and we upgraded to a Japanese model (The Toto Drake). It doesn’t have any of the heating or squirting accoutrements that one thinks of when they hear the phrase “Japanese toilet,” but we’ve had two of the things for well over a year, and we’ve not needed a plunger even once.

It’s got to be a problem for manufacturers of quality toilets that they make a product that it is socially unacceptable to recommend in most circumstances. Few dinner parties can withstand a hearty testimonial of how well your new toilet withstands the rigors of use by your family.

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How to Construct an Informative Presentation

More than one teacher has used this comic in their classroom. That’s the highest compliment I can think of, especially considering the joke in panel 3.

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How to Innovate

French friescream sounds like a terrible idea. I admit it. But you have to admit, a big order of fries with a milkshake on the side sounds like a great idea. I just took the logic a step further.

Note from Missy: It wasn’t until my teens that I learned that some people dip their French fries in their milkshakes. Not gonna lie, I was horrified. I’m not against soggying up a fry with ranch or tartar sauce or something, but the idea of hot fries plus cold milkshake makes my teeth hurt.

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How to Pose a Photo

This comic was inspired by the official portrait of Steve Jobs, in which he holds his hand in a way no human ever does unless they’re getting their official portrait taken.

I think it’s meant to look like he’s thinking deep thoughts, but to me it looks more like he’s deriving pleasure from tugging his own beard hairs. Or, it kind of looks like he’s smelling his own fist, and he recognizes the smell.

This is why I’ve always related more with Bill Gates. In every Picture of Bill Gates, especially the official pictures he posed for, he looks self-conscious and uncomfortable. I suspect he’s often self-conscious and uncomfortable in real life, so the pictures look more genuine. They look bad and awkward, but genuinely bad and awkward.

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