How to Describe Something

In America, Netflix has a series called Losers. There is an episode called “Stone Cold,” about a Canadian curler who thought of a perfectly legal, legitimate strategy that resulted in an almost guaranteed victory. The only reason nobody had ever used it before was that nobody seemed to have thought of it, even though it had been possible pretty much since the sport was invented. In the end, all of the other teams implemented his strategy and it rendered the game so unwatchable that one year, during the national championships, the crowd spontaneously chanted “boring.” In the end, they had to change the rules to eliminate his strategy and make the game fun to watch again.

It sounds unbelievable, but it is true. Simple, powerful, and sometimes painfully obvious things are out there just waiting to be noticed.

For example, Netflix doesn’t seem to have a way for someone to easily link to a specific episode of one of their shows, or even a trailer for that episode, to make it easier for someone with a blog to direct potential paying customers to that bit of content.

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How to Understand Reality (Shows)

I find it depressing that eight years later this comic is still timely, both because neither income inequality nor reality TV has gotten any better.

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How to Review Who Your Characters Are

I never drew a second pose for Rocket Hat. He just stood around as if he was wearing handcuffs, whether he was captured or not. In a way, it’s fitting that a character who never says anything was drawn by a cartoonist who never drew anything.

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How to Figure Out "What They Meant By That"

“Shoot” is often used as a non-curse alternative to saying “shit.”  It could be said that this is a sign that, in our society, gunplay (something any sane person wants to avoid) is more socially acceptable than defecation (something every human on the planet does.)

Which is true, now that I think about it.

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How to Decorate with Flair

This is the comic in which I had to figure out how to pluralize the letter S. I don’t know why I delayed it to run four comics after the comic that referred to it. I’m sure I did it for a perfectly logical reason. (Note: I consider “I screwed up” to be a logical reason, and so does everyone who knows me well.)

We do have a big metal S on the wall, but I’ll have you know that I didn’t buy it. Only an egomaniac would do that. Missy bought it for me, as only a person who knows she is married to an egomaniac would.

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How to Understand the Use of Blatant Status Symbols

Yes, this is based on a real story. Yes, it was really a Mercedes. Yes, it did, in fact, have purple/brown color change paint.

Yes, this was while I was living in Florida.

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How to Understand Kids These Days

I have a friend, a grown woman with kids of her own, who was standing in a long line to return some things on the day after Christmas a couple of years back. She pulled out her smartphone and started scrolling through messages. The elderly woman in line in front of her turned around, looked at her, and said something like, “Oops, I’m going to be standing still for a few seconds. I need my electronic pacifier.” To really sell the bit the old lady literally sucked her thumb.

This interaction has stuck with me, even though I wasn’t there, I only heard about it secondhand, and both of the people involved may actually have forgotten about it by now.

The old lady’s thesis seems to be that younger people waste their lives staring at screens, when if they only had the backbone, the grit, and the practical intelligence their elders possess, they would put their spare time to more practical use: harassing and insulting whatever perfect stranger is unfortunate enough to come near them.

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How to Become an Expert

Dr Pepper is the small batch Bourbon of pop. Cans from two different cases of Dr Pepper can taste markedly different. Some have more pronounced caramel notes, while others are more marshmallow forward. Of course, it’s not a good idea to talk at length about the flavor profile of a can of Dr Pepper, partly because you’ll sound insane, but mostly because some jerk will try to tell you it’s made of prunes.

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How to Discuss a Difference of Opinion

Back when I was a stand-up comic, I had a friend whose name I am going to keep out of this.  He had a bit about how the letters F, L, M, N, S, and X all begin with the letter E.

I loved that bit! I looked forward to it every time he performed.

I’m not sure any paying audience member ever so much as smiled at it.

Note from Missy: This one strikes me especially funny, because designing fonts is now my profession. As such, I do, quite often, have to refer to letters in plural form.

I’ve settled on putting the plural in a completely different place, such as “letters S” or “all versions of S.” Yes, it tends to sound stilted and highfalutin’. And yes, I’m totes OK with that.

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How to Be an Informed Customer

You can take an old bin you’ve used for storage and put it to work as a litter box, but once you’ve used that bin as a litter box, you cannot ever use it for storage again.

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