How to Listen to Other People's Medical Problems
In retrospect, I don’t know how well the Han Solo joke works. Of course, my first impulse when making a joke about having someone fire a laser at someone would be to make a Goldfinger joke, but it’s usually a good idea to ignore the first instinct as too predictable. Also, Goldfinger’s getting to be a really dated reference.
It’ll be interesting to see how long it takes before they stop bothering to make up new stories for James Bond movies and start remaking the classics. One might assume that they never will because they won’t think they can ever live up to the original classics. To anyone who thinks that, I suggest you re-watch the classics with a critical eye, rather than letting nostalgia color it for you.
A surprising amount of time in both the book and movie Goldfinger is spent cheating at either cards or golf.
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How to Deal with the Truth
Note: it’s now been years since I worked at WDW, and I know for a fact there have been major changes to many aspects of how an attractions cast member does their job, so any stories I tell should be viewed as ancient history, not a statement of current policy.
When I worked at Walt Disney World, we had things called Magical Moments. They were impromptu favors we could do for guests under the right circumstances. They were a great way to surprise and delight the guests, and they always left the cast members feeling good.
Unfortunately, word had gotten out. Some people knew about “magical moments,” and would demand them. Not ask, mind you, demand. I literally had people walk up to me, interrupt conversations with other guests, and say, “I want a magical moment.”
Doing that was, at the time, a great way to guarantee that you would not get a magical moment. But, telling the guest that it wasn’t possible, or simply pretending that I didn’t know what they were talking about, still left me feeling pretty good.
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How to Tell Someone That They Are Still Wrong
I’m a lifelong Star Trek fan, and I like the J.J. Abrams movies. No, they’re not quite like the original series movies, or the original series. They were never going to be, and they aren’t supposed to be. They’re a different thing.
I went to see the first hobbit movie in the theater, just to see the first few minutes of the second Abrams Star Trek movie, which ran as a promotional teaser. That short clip with a cliffhanger was a more effective inducement to get me to go see Star Trek Into Darkness than the entire movie The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was to get me to go see The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug.
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How to Sound Really Old
I’d like to see a kid today try to thread an 8mm film projector.
To be fair, I wouldn’t mind to go back in time and see me as a kid try it. My memory is that I screwed it up more than once.
Or even better, I’d like to see a kid today have to deal with a film strip. Explain to them that they turn the knob to advance the frame every time the tape goes “Boop.” I have no doubt they could do it. But when they say “this sucks,” I could yell, “I know, right?!”
Note from Missy: Hey, Cipher in the Snow is on YouTube! I had no idea it was made by Brigham Young University. Scott and I both watched this in school when we were kids, even though we grew up in vastly different areas, neither of which was particularly Mormon-heavy.
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How to Take Pleasure in the Little Things
I do have a Fisher Space Pen—the Silver bullet model. I don’t anticipate ever needing to write in zero gravity. I keep the pen because I just think it’s one of the most satisfying, aesthetically beautiful objects I’ve ever owned.
I keep it in a 3D-printed sand worm from Dune, which some would argue reduces its aesthetic value.
How to Discuss Something that Does Not Interest You
A couple of years ago I had the opportunity to do a pretty extensive zipline course.
I thought ziplining would give me an exhilarating feeling of freedom, and it did, when I was actually sliding on the zip line. In between my turns on the lines I felt the least free I’d ever felt. I was literally tied to a platform, stranded high above the ground, while wearing a harness that felt like I was being very slowly kicked in the nuts.
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How to Decide If You Should Call in Sick
I’m not proud of the fact that there was a time when I liked getting strep throat. It’s the sweet spot for a minor illness, because it leaves your mind sharp so you can enjoy recreational reading or TV, but it messes with your voice in a manner that is obvious over the phone, and is contagious enough that no employer want you anywhere near the other employees until you are 100% better.
Public service announcement: I got strep at least once a year, and sometimes up to three times a year, for my entire adult life. Then, nearly ten years ago, I had my tonsils out, and I haven’t had strep since. If you still have your tonsils and you get strep often, talk to your doctor. Unless you’re using strep to help you avoid a job you hate. In that case, protect those tonsils at all cost!
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How to Share Your Dreams, or Share Your Dreams
It would be fun to go back in time and tell past Scott that there’s a Star Trek series about an elderly Captain Picard that also features Seven of Nine and brief appearances by Data, just to see the look on past Scott’s face when I tell him that people have complained about “all the cursing.”
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How to Explore Your Cultural Heritage
My first exposure to my German cuisine was a visit to an aunt’s where many of my adult relatives were working together to make sausage. While they fed meat into the hand-cranked grinder and filled the intestine casing, an aunt offered me a treat. I said “please,” and received her famous home-made sauerkraut, which five-year-old me perceived to be a stinking handful of wet cabbage.
The downside was that she did not instill in me a deep love of my heritage. The upside, for her, was that I never asked her for a treat again.
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