How to Make a Story Where It Appears the Hero Turns Bad, but Has Not
I don’t know if I ever discussed this, but the idea for Mr. Everywhere came from the superhero Plastic Man. Not actually Plastic Man himself, but the Elongated Man and Mr. Fantastic, both of whom have pretty much the same powers as Plastic Man, I.E. stretchy-ness.
There are differences, of course. Mr. Fantastic is also a scientific genius. In addition to stretching, Plastic Man can form himself into complex objects, like mailboxes and cars, and Elongated Man . . . is a widower? I’ll be honest, I was always more of a Marvel guy than a DC guy.
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How to Differentiate Between an Explanation and an Excuse
There’s a distinct difference between an explanation and an excuse. Sadly, someone making an excuse will often describe their excuse as an explanation, and if the person you’re explaining to is angry, any explanation will sound like an excuse.
There’s a saying I used to repeat to myself as a reminder that keeping quiet, at least in the short term, is usually the best policy when things go wrong.
“Don’t explain, don’t complain.”
It’s something I once heard that someone I respected and admired had said. I still remember the phrase occasionally, but now its meaning is completely overshadowed by irony, because it was said by Bill Cosby, whom I no longer respect or admire, and who has done a great deal of both explaining and complaining in recent years.
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How to Tell People About Your Accomplishments
I lived in Seattle for many years. I loved Seattle. I still miss Seattle. But (and this seems weird to me even though I’m the one saying it) the Seattle I miss doesn’t exist anymore. It’s been buried under an immense traffic jam.
One aspect of the Seattle I once knew that is still there is Red Mill Burgers, my favorite burger place in the world. I live within a ten-minute drive of several In-and-Outs, a Smash Burger, and a Shake Shack. I’d take Red Mill over any of them.
Why, you ask?
If you’d ever eaten at Red Mill, you wouldn’t have to ask, but I’ll answer anyway. Bacon. The giant pile of Bacon.
Here’s the results of a Google image search for the words “Red Mill Bacon.
And here’s a news story about the restaurant, and, of course, the bacon.
They also have the excellent taste to use Tillamook Medium Cheddar, the Cadillac of cheese.
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How to Figure Out Who You Are
Smoking jackets, dressing gowns, pajamas, ascots, slippers, all the stuff Victorian guys wore for lounging around the house in the evening seems to denote class and sophistication to us now. Makes you wonder if a hundred and fifty years from now, when trying to make a character seem stuffy, they’ll have that character wear terrycloth shorts and an old ugly t-shirt.
Just goes to show, the words “progress” and “improvement” do not mean the same thing.
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How to Slow the Spread of Germs (Re-Rerun)
This comic has appeared as a rerun before, but I’m rerunning it again now, for obvious reasons.
Those obvious reasons are that I am lazy and opportunistic.
An interesting bit of inside-baseball detail: you can tell this comic is from before Basic Instructions began running in some local alt-weekly newspapers because of the gradients in the backgrounds. It seems they were difficult to render in newsprint. Also, the appearance of “Classic Rick” is a hint.
Here, for your enjoyment, are three more old comics that are tangentially related to our planet’s current predicament. One is about people standing too close to you, another involves hand sanitizer, and the third involves bidets, which can lessen the need for toilet paper.
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How to Make a Positive Change
Sadly, it takes a lot of guys a long time to reach the conclusion that a woman not being interested in them is a dealbreaker. Society kind of conditions young men to view a total lack of interest on the woman’s part as a challenge to be overcome with persistence and aggression. Who knows how much misery this erroneous message has caused?
If I could go back in time and give teenage me one piece of advice to improve my social life, it would be that pretending to be what you think people will think is “cool” is self-defeating. You’ll never guess right, and even if you do you’ll mess up eventually and they’ll decide you’re a poser (which you in fact will be). Better to find people who already think what you’re actually into is cool. If you know some of those people but you don’t think they are cool enough, then look in the mirror and consider giving them the chance that you wish people who don’t think you’re cool would give you.
That, and I’d tell younger me to lose the Hawaiian shirts. You’ve never seen a palm tree in person, and everyone knows you bought that shirt at the JC Penney in Yakima.
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How to Gain Perspective
I understand wearing sandals. I understand wearing socks. I understand wearing sandals with socks; I don’t agree with it, but I understand it.
My father sometimes wears sandals with dress socks. That I don’t understand. The closest thing to an explanation I can come up with is that he knows people will see his socks, so for appearances sake he chooses to wear his fanciest socks.
One could argue that people who wear socks with sandals are sending the message that they don’t care what other people think. Admirable, but if it were true they wouldn’t care when we mock them for wearing socks with sandals, and I can tell you from experience that they do mind. At least my father does.
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How to Understand Human Behavior
I don’t have many of what you’d call “Core Beliefs.” I’m absolutely certain that they are counterproductive, and have built my entire life around that knowledge.
I joke. I actually do have a few core beliefs, and one of them is that liars think everyone’s a liar, and thieves think everyone’s a thief.
If you say that out loud, invariably someone will tell you that everyone lies. The proper comeback is to stay silent and raise one eyebrow, and hold your hands out as if the person who said it has proved your point.
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How to Give Someone Hope
This comic is, predictably, based on a real conversation between me and the real Rick about his love life.
One of the things that makes our friendship work is that we have similar inappropriate emotional responses. The worse things get, the more we laugh. Once Rick suffered some terrible setback at work. His wife at the time tried to console him. He only got more upset. When I showed up Rick shouted, “Yes, “Meyer! You know what I need!” I immediately started making fun of him, which cheered him up instantly.
I’m writing this mid-March, 2020, during the COVID-19 pandemic and attached stock market dip/correction/bear market/recession. When I watch the news, you’d think I was watching a Monty Python movie from my reactions.
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