Basic Instructions

  • Basic Instructions
  • Store
  • Archive
  • Contact
  • Search
basic200228.gif

How to Handle Being "Thrown Under the Bus"

February 28, 2020 by Scott Meyer

People still say “I didn’t come here to make friends” on reality shows. Heck, on Ink Master someone says it almost every week. They have a right to be a jerk, but at least they could be original about it.

That’s my main problem with reality TV. One of the chief reasons the genre took off was that writers, actors, and set designers cost money. Even a modest hour-long TV show costs something like a million dollars per episode too produce. Ideally, reality TV doesn’t need writers, actors, or set designers. Pointing a camera at people doing something interesting is cheap.

But in time reality got boring,  so they started trying to “improve” on reality, which required the “real people” to think up interesting situations then “sell” those situations on camera; activities that are usually called “writing,” and “acting.” And a lot of the shows feature people renovating and decorating houses, AKA “designing the set.”

So now, when you watch a reality show, you usually get formulaic, unimaginative fiction, performed by amateurs.

If you think I’m being overly harsh, go watch HGTV. Odds are, you’ll see two people overacting to a “problem” they solve five seconds after the commercial break, then proudly unveiling their innovative kitchen design, featuring subway tiles and white shaker cabinets.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 28, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200226.gif

How to Turn to Your Friends for Advice

February 26, 2020 by Scott Meyer

I’ve always suspected that if a woman went back to a guy’s place and found a round bed with mirrors on the ceiling, she would consider it an instant deal breaker.

Conversely, I think if a man when back to a woman’s place and found a round bed and ceiling mirrors, he’d be cool with it. To be fair, most guys could find a bare concrete floor and a stolen park bench as the only furniture and they’d be cool with it.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 26, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200224.gif

How to Talk Through a Troubling Experience

February 24, 2020 by Scott Meyer

Sadly, I find that all too often in life Plan B is just “Plan A, but harder.”

The story I tell in the comic about the Englishman spanking his 14 year old in public is true. I saw it in the grocery department at Target.

Think about that for a second, I saw a family of British tourists in the grocery department at Target, and that wasn’t the weird part. I never saw that in Seattle, and I haven’t seen it yet in Phoenix. But in Orlando, you get used to seeing international tourists in places you wouldn’t expect. If you’ve never seen a huge group of Brazilian teenagers wearing identical t-shirts swarming through the outlet mall, it’s an experience you don’t ever forget.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 24, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200221.gif

How to Survive the Dreaded Post-Holiday Phone Call

February 21, 2020 by Scott Meyer

My father and I express how much we care for each other by sparing each other the discomfort of ever talking about our feelings.

What do we talk about instead? Anything. Literally, anything we can think of that isn’t our feelings.

The last time we spoke, we spent ten minutes talking about the innovative experimental sail Jacques Cousteau attached to one of his ship in the ’80s.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 21, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200219.gif

How to Manage Your Emotions

February 19, 2020 by Scott Meyer

The frog story is true, right down to shouting “Froggy.” The only place where it diverges from the truth is that it happened to me, not Ric.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 19, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200217.gif

How to Stage a Hostile Takeover Takeover of Another Strip

February 17, 2020 by Scott Meyer

A couple weeks back, when the image of Tim Rickard showed up in one of the comics, I contacted him for permission to identify him by name. Being the great guy he is, he also gave me permission to rerun his guest strip from 2011.

It’s funny, no other cartoonists ever asked me to do a guest strip for them. it’s probably due to a combination of my “limited” art style and my patented “Wall of Text” writing technique.

Note from Missy: If memory serves, this is the only time in the history of BI where Rocket Hat speaks!

Reply from Scott: Yes, I believe you’re right.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 17, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200214.gif

How to Let Someone in on a Secret

February 14, 2020 by Scott Meyer

Some of you may be wondering: if mustachioed pugilism is the white man’s martial art, why didn’t they ever make mustachioed pugilism movies? My answer would be to ask you to watch any Burt Reynolds movie from the late ’70s or early ’80s and wait for the inevitable barroom brawl.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 14, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200212.gif

How to Discuss Something You Just Like, and the Other Person Loves

February 12, 2020 by Scott Meyer

I was one of those people who walked out of the midnight showing of The Phantom Menace saying “I liked it.” I saw it at least two more times in the theater, and each time I walked out saying “I liked it” a little quieter, and with more of a question in my tone.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 12, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200210.gif

How to Explain Your Unique Interests

February 10, 2020 by Scott Meyer

QI did show up on Hulu for a while, but they edited it weirdly and screwed it up. Luckily, a lot of UK panel shows end up on YouTube, some via official channels; others, not so much.

Now, all I want is a legitimate way to watch full, HD versions of the documentaries of Philomena Cunk (again, NSFW).

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 10, 2020 /Scott Meyer
basic200207.gif

How to Remember Information by Using a Mnemonic Device

February 07, 2020 by Scott Meyer

Here’s a great example of the power of a good mnemonic device. Watch the following clip from a UK Panel show called Would I Lie to You, (Note, it’s mildly NSFW) and you will probably be able to identify the Teletubbies by name and color for the rest of your life. At the very least, you’ll be able to remember which one is Tinky Winky.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

February 07, 2020 /Scott Meyer
  • Newer
  • Older

Privacy Policy

Copyright 2003-2024, Scott Meyer. Site powered by Squarespace