How to Disguise an Insult as a Compliment

You see, back when most of us only had 4 channels on TV, Saturday afternoons were a kind of dead zone filled with old movies and ABC’s Wide World of Sports.

The thing that strikes me about Wide World of Sports when I think back on it now is that its “world” was maybe a bit too “wide.” Among the things it labeled as “sports” were billiards trick shot competitions (essentially bar gambling), performances by the Harlem Globetrotters (essentially a multi-person basketball themed juggling act), and Simon Says (no essentially this time; it was literally just some funny old guy leading a group of people in a round of Simon Says).

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How to Defend Your Taste in Art

As is often the case, this comic was based on an actual conversation. I had the wallpaper image shown in panel 2, which is from a promotional image for the classic film Forbidden Planet. A coworker felt that it clearly depicted a robot attacking a scantily-clad woman. I pointed out that in the film the robot was the scantily-clad woman’s friend, and was helping her in the image, but that did not impress my coworker.

Really, in my experience, explaining the finer points of a sci-fi movie plot pretty much never impresses anyone.

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How to Hack the Human Mind

Making a person cry and vomit at the same time is a horrifying idea.

I bet an edit of one of those Sarah McLachlan ASPCA ads where the caged animals are all throwing up would do it.

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How to Engage in Friendly Debate

I do not feel that Sub-Mariner was a better hero than Aquaman. The current incarnation of Aquaman (as depicted in the recent film) is a lot of fun. Ridiculous, but fun. As a kid reading Marvel comics, Sub-Mariner always struck me as Spock in a Speedo, which I did not find compelling.

Note from Missy: “Spock in a Speedo” sounds like an British dish. What would you like to eat? Toad in the Hole, Bubble and Squeak, Spock in a Speedo?

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How to State Your Beliefs

Inflatable sex dolls are interesting, in that anyone who tries to use one for its stated purpose clearly doesn’t understand the situation. I fully believe that even the people who make inflatable sex dolls do not expect them to be inflated and used for sex, and would be horrified to think that anyone attempted it. They are gag gifts, and nothing more. If they actually intended for any human to attempt to copulate with one, they’d make some attempt to make them less horrifying to look at, touch, or think about. It would be an unsuccessful attempt, but at least they would try.

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How to Collaborate

This strip was based on a situation a coworker of mine was stuck in where any written document he worked on was subjected to multiple editing passes by a supervisor with a capricious temperament and a poor memory, so he often got chastised for “poor writing choices” the supervisor himself added in a previous pass. I never had this situation myself, because that particular supervisor never trusted me to write anything of any importance.

The irony is not lost on me.

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How to Show Some Civic Pride

The lighted farm implement parade is real. I never went to it, though. I think my mom felt it was too commercial.

Don’t read too much into “The Unpleasantness.” I think most small-to-medium sized towns have a few events in their history that could be referred to as that. If you must have a concrete example, Sunnyside, and the Yakima Valley in general had a bad enough drug trafficking problem that we made the national news on multiple occasions.

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How to Tell Someone That you Don't Care What They Think

Going to the trouble to tell someone “I don’t care what you think,” is inherently funny to me, but laughing at people who say it always makes them angry. Clearly, they don’t care what I think, unless I think they’re funny.

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How to Fight Casual Racism

There is something to the fact that all of those slurs in panel three are the kinds of things that one might come up with if they felt they’d gotten the raw end of a deal and were looking for someone other than themselves to blame for their misfortune.

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How to Apply the Lessons of Fiction to the Real World

Yes, in this comic I proclaim my belief that Spider-Man has radioactive blood. If you care to argue this point, I will have to entreat you to listen, refer to you as “Bud,” then draw your attention to the theme song of the ’60s Spider-Man cartoon, which bolsters my point.

Also, yes, this comic makes a pretty strong anti-Trump statement. If you’re offended, I’ll point out that I wrote the comic in 2012, three years before he announced he was running for president. That at least proves that my position has remained consistent. And, I mean, really, his casino went bankrupt. A CASINO! The one business where people literally come in and give you money without getting anything back in return.

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