How to Evaluate Other People's Deep Philosophical Insights

I have two brothers. That’s three boys, all teenagers at the same time. We didn’t have a VCR, so when a show like Star Trek: The Next Generation or something similar would go to commercial, it was not uncommon for all of us, and a friend or two who might be over, to have to go to the bathroom at the same time. We lived in a house with one bathroom, but the nearest neighbors were a quarter mile away.

All of this explains why there was a bush near our back door that did not look healthy.

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How to Discuss a Topic with Someone Who Knows Nothing About the Topic

Wait a second. Murderous robots who look like attractive blonde women . . . THE CURRENT WESTWORLD IS A PREQUEL TO BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!!

This means the Yul Brynner Westworld was a prequel to the Lorne Greene Battlestar Galactica!

It really is true, “This has all happened before. This will all happen again.” That’s from Battlestar Galactica . . . the Edward James Olmos version. It was said by a Cylon that could see the future. It lived in a vat of goo. OH NO! MINORITY REPORT IS MIXED UP IN THIS TOO!

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How to Maximize Your Product's Marketing Potential

It’s interesting, in fiction when a woman pretends to be a man it’s usually to fight in a war or support her family. When a man pretends to be a woman, it’s to get an apartment in an women-only building, or to sneak onto a lifeboat. The only semi-honorable example of a man pretending to be a woman in a book or film I can think of right now is Mrs. Doubtfire, where Robin Williams wanted to be closer to his kids, and even then he sabotaged his wife’s opportunity to date Pierce Brosnan, which I think we can all agree is a terrible thing to deny her.

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How to Interrogate a Suspect

The symbol on Omnipresent Man’s shirt is the place marker from Google Maps. If memory serves, Mr. Everywhere’s symbol is the place marker from MapQuest.

It was only after I’d introduced Omnipresent Man and featured him in several comics that I realized that I needed to flip the shadow on the symbol when he faced the other direction. By then I had flattened the art in a way that made it difficult to manipulate. Also, the way the shadow interacted with the thumb of his left hand gave me trouble.

You wouldn’t believe how much work I did to get out of having to actually draw my comic strip. I think one of the most important moments in my life was the day I realized that laziness actually leads to more work.

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How to Handle a Continuity Error

Yeah, I got sick of answering continuity questions, so I stopped making my webcomic and started a book series about time travel.

I am, in fact, an idiot.

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How to Care for Your Smartphone

When I worked in theme parks, the new-hires would mock me for keeping my phone in a Ziploc bag.

The funny thing about Orlando in the summer is that most days it rains violently for about twenty minutes in the afternoon.

I’d rather look like an idiot using my phone through a plastic bag than look like a jerk replacing my smartphone because it got wet again.

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How to Release an Ancient Evil

The idea of the Snake-Ape made me giggle like a crazy person when I first came up with it. Judging by the reaction to this comic, and the sales of my Snake Ape t-shirt, I am alone in that.

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How to Face the Consequences

I use more interrobangs than I should. Is that so wrong?!

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How to Explain Why You've Chosen Not to Have Children

Panel one is a joke from my old stand-up act. It was one of my favorites, because when it really hit you could tell from the sound of the laugh that the audience didn’t want to laugh at it, but couldn’t help themselves. There’s no greater feeling as a comic than forcing someone to laugh against their will.

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How to Live Your Dreams

When I was fifteen, the three coolest cars I could think of were the Camaro Berlinetta, the Subaru Brat, and the Pontiac Fiero. The Camaro’s stereo was mounted on a swiveling stalk that came out of the center console. The Brat had two hard plastic seats in the truck bed that had handles to hold on to instead of seatbelts. The Fiero had speakers built into the headrests.

I look at the cars for sale now, and I don’t see any of those features being offered. Its almost as if I fifteen-year-old me wanted things that weren’t actually good ideas.

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