How to Wish Your Friend a Happy 50th Birthday
When I was in my twenties I figured that by the time I was in my forties I’d feel, mentally, like I was in my forties. I don’t. In many ways, I feel like my twenty-something brain has been transplanted into the body of one of my crusty old uncles.
Also, when I was in my twenties, I would have thought that feeling like I was in my twenties when I was in my forties would be a good thing, but you don’t keep the parts of the twenty-something mindset that feel good: the arrogance, the invincibility, the knowledge that you are the future. You lose those on your 30th birthday. You hold on to the insecurity, the confusion, and the fear that you will make a mistake that will haunt you for the rest of your life, only “the rest of your life,” is a much shorter period of time, and much, much closer.
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How to Explain Why You Haven't Put Someone in Your Comic Strip
In retrospect, I feel bad that I subtly suggested that I consider “water sports” to be a hideous perversion. It’s not anything I’m interested in, but if that’s your thing, and you keep it among consenting adults, who am I to judge?
I feel no remorse about my treatment of my older brother. For the record, he seemed more irritated about the handlebar mustache than the urine.
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How to Decide Whether to Rent, Buy, or See a Movie in the Theater
I never have seen Suckerpunch. I have seen Big Trouble in Little China many, many times.
If, like me, you enjoy Big Trouble in Little China, I suggest you watch the Movies with Mikey episode about it.
It will change the way you see that movie.
If you’re not a Big Trouble in Little China fan, I suggest you watch a Movies with Mikey episode about a movie you do like. It’s a really good show.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=movies+with+mikey
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How to Help Someone Confront their Prejudices
I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: Steve Jobs did not invent the smartphone. You can’t even say that Apple originated the smartphone. I had a smartphone—a Palm Treo 600—two years before the iPhone was announced. The Treo had a web browser, email, an MP3 player, a video player, applications, and a touch screen. All of the stuff the iPhone launched with.
Apple didn’t invent. They innovated. Their innovation was that their smartphone did those things well. Aside from email, the Treo very much did not.
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How to Increase a City's Tourism
Reno: Where the decent people won’t see what you’re up to.
Reno: A vacation you’ll talk about for years to come, at AA meetings.
Reno: Maybe you’ll win enough for a ticket to Vegas!
I could keep doing this all day.
HGTV is currently inundated with shows about renovating houses. In most of the titles they shorten the word “renovation” to “reno,” which always makes me think the show takes place in Reno.
Of course, there is no show called “Reno Reno.” The before segments would be too depressing.
“There’s a hole in the wall because the former owner sold the fireplace bricks to pay his outstanding brothel bill.”
“The hardwood floors are in pretty rough shape, but those bloodstains should sand right out.”
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How to Flatter
I can’t think of anything particularly interesting to say about this comic, so instead, I’ll point out that They Might Be Giants’ most recent album, I Like Fun, includes a song that I loved instantly upon hearing it for the first time. I spent two weeks constantly singing the chorus under my breath, much to Missy’s dismay.
Here’s a copy of it on YouTube. (I looked for a more legitimate way to link directly to the song so you could hear it, but I couldn't think of one. If any of you know of one, please let me know.)
Recently, the band released the song’s original version, which was the soundtrack to a video they play before their concerts, and having watched it several times, I like the song even more now!
How to Compose a "Tweet"
Twitter has never really been my forte. It requires brevity. I submit any Basic instructions comic as exhibit A in my case to prove that brevity is not my “thing.”
(Note: Ironically, this commentary would, in fact, fit in a tweet, even if you include this additional note.)
Note from Missy: It’s funny seeing which of these comics from 7-8 years ago end up having outdated information. If only we’d had 280 characters back in ’11!
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How to Assert Your Beliefs
I picture a special device, similar to a tricorder, where you’d press an electrode or a lens or something to an object to scientifically measure how brown it is. There’d be a dial on the front with various readings, ranging from “not brown,” to “hardly brown at all,” all the way past “quite brown indeed,” to “absolute brown.”
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