How to Weigh Your Options

I’ve tried several different types of razor, and found that they all workd equally well, if the goal is to lacerate my face-meat.

Two different razor manufacturers ended up sending me free samples of their products to review after this comic ran. I found that I was perfectly capable of cutting my cheeks and neck to ribbons regardless of what razor I used. I’m currently using a Panasonic electric razor, with which I’m very happy. I’ll admit that if you keep up with replacing the blades and screens it doesn’t work out to be all that much cheaper than disposables, but I lose a lot less blood, and I get to use a gadget!

Hey, by the way, my latest book, Run Program, is out now! It's a book about a rogue AI that has the intelligence of a child. You might think that would make the AI less dangerous, but you'd be wrong. Anyway, I'm quite proud of it. Please check it out, if you have a chance.

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How to Listen to a Coworker's Complaints

Yet again, sadly, this comic is based on an actual conversation. A coworker of mine told our supervisor he was smarter than her, and was surprised when she didn’t take “the news” well.

This comic was made way back when one would have to “go get” a video camera. Now, many of us just happen to have HDTV cameras on us at all times, attached to the supercomputers we use as phones. You never know what’s going to date a comic.

Hey, by the way, my latest book, Run Program comes out Tuesday, the 20th! It's a book about a rogue AI that has the intelligence of a child. You might think that would make the AI less dangerous, but you'd be wrong. Anyway, I'm quite proud of it. Please check it out, if you have a chance.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Teach (The Drill Sergeant Method)

As I remember, this comic was actually inspired by an episode of America’s Next Top Model. (Missy used to watch. I would be in the room, doing other things, within sight and earshot of the TV . . . DON’T JUDGE ME!)

Anyway, they had the contestants work with a runway walk coach who started by informing them all that he was far too important to make any effort to learn any of their names, and would be calling all of them “Pumpkin Pie.” Then he had them, one by one, show him their runway walk. Each contestant took three or four steps before he barked, “Wrong. Sit down,” but offered no explanation as to what they’d done wrong or how to fix it.

Applying military boot-camp techniques to teach something as low-stakes as stagecraft struck me funny, so I applied it to office technical support.  

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How to Repel the Inevitable Invasion of the Moon-Men

Here it is, the first appearance of one of my greatest creations: the Moon Minion!

I kid. The Emperor of the Moon is one of my favorite characters I ever came up with. It’s funny, because the original idea for this comic was all about Rocket Hat. The Emperor was just the villain I came up with for him to fight. As I wrote it, the Emperor got more and more dialog, and I soon realized that rocket hat wasn’t saying or doing anything at all. This is how running jokes are born, sometimes.

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How to Create an Urban Legend

The octo-chicken rumor is one I actually heard from a random person who believed it.

On an unrelated note, I was recently back in Seattle for a brief time, and it took less than an hour for me to get caught up in a conversation with a genuine Seattle-style crazy person. Some random guy on the street offered me a swig from his thermos, which he said was full of Wenatchee river water he had “made potable.” He went on to explain that a huge earthquake was coming, but that it wouldn’t really be an earthquake. It was more likely to be something to do with the nuclear missiles stationed on Whidbey Island.

Don’t get me wrong. Arizona and Florida both have their share of crazy people, but they’re not the same as Seattle crazy people. In Arizona, we get people who are obsessed with golf, but have moved to the one city in the United States where playing it in the summer can kill you. In Florida, you get the “God told me to build this massive pickup truck, and fill it with two cartons of every brand of cigarette” kind of crazy. Only in Seattle do you get the talkative conspiracy-theorist who’s also a naturalist, talking to you on a city street corner.

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How to Create an Original Story

It is entirely possible to make a situation worse by attempting to make up for an error in a ham-fisted, overzealous manner. Just ask Missy. I sometimes thinks that she hides it from me when I offend her just to avoid the horrible experience of one of my apologies.

Note from Missy: It’s kind of true. I don’t have to give Scott grief for anything he does, because he always tortures himself with guilt more than I ever could.

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How to See a Friend or Co-worker In a New Light

I have a young relative who lost her hearing at a very early age. When she was in junior high she had high-tech hearing aids surgically implanted. When she told me about them, my response was “Cool! You’re a cyborg!” I’ve always felt good about that response. When in doubt, going positive is almost always the right move, and instead of having the conversation move on to how much the procedure had sucked, instead she told me all about how the implants also worked as Bluetooth headphones.

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How to Resist a Psych-Out

Extend your index and pinky fingers. Curl the middle finger and ring finger downward. If you then press your thumb inward, over the bent middle and ring fingers, you will have made Spider-Man’s web shooters, the secret heavy-metal devil symbol, hook-’em horns, or, what I call here, “the whammy.” All of those could be considered aggressive gestures.

Put your fingers in the same position but extend the thumb outward, to the side of your hand, and you have the American Sign Language gesture for “I Love You.”

It seems that the thumb position is key. Point your thumb in the wrong direction and the meaning and intent completely change. Wars have been started over lesser mistakes.

It also seems to me that the main reason Spider-Man stories all focus on his life as a teenager and young man is that his later life will be spent fighting his greatest enemy: carpal tunnel syndrome.

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How to Achieve a Long-Term Goal

I was raised in a rural part of the United States. As such, it was a major revelation to me when I discovered, in my late teens, that the Guinness company made anything other than their book of world records.

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How to Set Someone Straight

I just think, if you’re going to write a book about vampires, then change every single rule about vampires, why make them vampires in the first place?

Changing all the rules for wizards, however, is perfectly acceptable, and was probably long overdue.

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