How to Maintain a Healthy Diet

Sun Chips were a triumph of marketing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they taste good, and I’ve eaten my share of them, but at the end of the day they’re just empty carbs covered with salt, just like almost everything else on the chips aisle.

I don’t blame them for trying to position Sun Chips as a healthier alternative. You have to differentiate your product some way, and the ways in which Sun Chips differ from potato and tortilla chips don’t make for great ad copy.

“It’s the snack made from compressed wheat fragments that would otherwise go to waste!”

“It’s the perfect snack for the early ’90s! It’s half cracker, half chip! It’s a Crip!”

“The snack that’s corrugated, for increased longitudinal stiffness!”

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How to Maintain a Healthy Diet

Sun Chips were a triumph of marketing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they taste good, and I’ve eaten my share of them, but at the end of the day they’re just empty carbs covered with salt, just like almost everything else on the chips aisle.

I don’t blame them for trying to position Sun Chips as a healthier alternative. You have to differentiate your product some way, and the ways in which Sun Chips differ from potato and tortilla chips don’t make for great ad copy.

“It’s the snack made from compressed wheat fragments that would otherwise go to waste!”

“It’s the perfect snack for the early ’90s! It’s half cracker, half chip! It’s a Crip!”

“The snack that’s corrugated, for increased longitudinal stiffness!”

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to React to Good News That is Actually Bad News

I don’t discuss anybody’s pregnancy unless they bring it up. In my experience, expectant parents either can’t wait to talk about the pregnancy, or don’t want to talk about it at all.

Nobody is ever perfectly happy to discuss their pregnancy but not in a hurry to bring it up. If they don’t bring it up, it’s because they don’t want to talk about it, period. Oh, they’ll tell you they’re happy to discuss it, but in a flat tone of voice, while looking at you through narrowed eyes.

The worst-case scenario is bringing up someone’s pregnancy and finding out that they aren’t pregnant. The only way to get out of that faux-pas with honor involves cyanide pills.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to React to Good News That is Actually Bad News

I don’t discuss anybody’s pregnancy unless they bring it up. In my experience, expectant parents either can’t wait to talk about the pregnancy, or don’t want to talk about it at all.

Nobody is ever perfectly happy to discuss their pregnancy but not in a hurry to bring it up. If they don’t bring it up, it’s because they don’t want to talk about it, period. Oh, they’ll tell you they’re happy to discuss it, but in a flat tone of voice, while looking at you through narrowed eyes.

The worst-case scenario is bringing up someone’s pregnancy and finding out that they aren’t pregnant. The only way to get out of that faux-pas with honor involves cyanide pills.

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Apply for a Promotion

I once had a friend who was dissatisfied with their job, and when they finally arranged a promotion my friend pulled strings to get me the job they wanted out of.

I was desperate enough for a job at that point that I took their cast-off job happily.

Later, when I left that job, instead of replacing me with a new hire, they divvied all of my tasks up amongst my former co-workers, all of whom found it terribly demeaning, which did not do anything to make me feel bad about leaving.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Apply for a Promotion

I once had a friend who was dissatisfied with their job, and when they finally arranged a promotion my friend pulled strings to get me the job they wanted out of.

I was desperate enough for a job at that point that I took their cast-off job happily.

Later, when I left that job, instead of replacing me with a new hire, they divvied all of my tasks up amongst my former co-workers, all of whom found it terribly demeaning, which did not do anything to make me feel bad about leaving.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Be Diplomatic

In my experience, the person who controls the availability and the quality of the coffee supply in an office wields great power. Maybe the fact that the office I worked in was in Seattle in the early 2000s had something to do with that, but what can I say? My experiences are what they are.

Of course, messing with the coffee supply was a dicey proposition, because lack of caffeine in the morning makes coffee addicts irritable, and causing that irritability by failing to supply the coffee in the first place gives them all an obvious target upon which to focus their irritability.

I think that’s why the British Navy used to placate the sailors with rum. Deny someone their rum and they get more rational, not less. 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Be Diplomatic

In my experience, the person who controls the availability and the quality of the coffee supply in an office wields great power. Maybe the fact that the office I worked in was in Seattle in the early 2000s had something to do with that, but what can I say? My experiences are what they are.

Of course, messing with the coffee supply was a dicey proposition, because lack of caffeine in the morning makes coffee addicts irritable, and causing that irritability by failing to supply the coffee in the first place gives them all an obvious target upon which to focus their irritability.

I think that’s why the British Navy used to placate the sailors with rum. Deny someone their rum and they get more rational, not less. 

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As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Assert Your Individuality

Really, (and I may have done a comic about this, it’s all a bit of a blur,) these sorts of cultural affiliations are sort of like the adult male equivalent of Garanimals.

Garanimals are (That’s right, not was, ARE! They still have a website and still sell kids clothes, mostly at Walmart, it seems.) a children’s clothing brand where all of the garments have a tag with a picture of an animal on them. If you pick a shirt and pants that have the same animal on the label you will know they go together. Wearing a lion shirt with lion pants is fine, but wearing a lion shirt with giraffe pants means that you had no fashion sense, which we all know is a terrible burden for a nine-year-old.

What I’m saying is that for an adult man, wearing a Seahawks shirt and a Seahawks hat is fine, or a Seahawks shirt and a Mariners jacket, if he wants to push it, but he knows that he can’t wear a Seahawks shirt and a Raiders jacket, because he’ll look ridiculous. The same goes for wearing a Harley jacket over a Honda shirt, or wearing anything with a Ferrari logo while driving any other car. Sadly, 99% of all Ferrari merchandise is worn in this manner. 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Assert Your Individuality

Really, (and I may have done a comic about this, it’s all a bit of a blur,) these sorts of cultural affiliations are sort of like the adult male equivalent of Garanimals.

Garanimals are (That’s right, not was, ARE! They still have a website and still sell kids clothes, mostly at Walmart, it seems.) a children’s clothing brand where all of the garments have a tag with a picture of an animal on them. If you pick a shirt and pants that have the same animal on the label you will know they go together. Wearing a lion shirt with lion pants is fine, but wearing a lion shirt with giraffe pants means that you had no fashion sense, which we all know is a terrible burden for a nine-year-old.

What I’m saying is that for an adult man, wearing a Seahawks shirt and a Seahawks hat is fine, or a Seahawks shirt and a Mariners jacket, if he wants to push it, but he knows that he can’t wear a Seahawks shirt and a Raiders jacket, because he’ll look ridiculous. The same goes for wearing a Harley jacket over a Honda shirt, or wearing anything with a Ferrari logo while driving any other car. Sadly, 99% of all Ferrari merchandise is worn in this manner. 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).