How to Threaten Vengeance

Really, any specific threat will be more effective than saying that you’ll “get” someone. “I’ll get you for this!” Even as a kid that seemed way to vague. I know, you’re thinking that the vagueness makes it more threatening, but being clear about your intentions will make the danger seem more real, since they’ll be able to picture the specific act you’re threatening.

Also, making said threat from atop a throne of skulls will help.

Looking at the first and fourth panels of this comic illustrated the fact that a drawing that looks okay tiny can look really jacked up when you zoom in. A less lazy cartoonist would have redrawn it, but we all know I don’t roll that way, when I can be bothered to roll at all.

Note from Missy: I always love when there’s punctuation profanity, so I can play the “what word is that replacing?” game. (Also, did you know that a set of punctuation used to replace profanity is known as a “grawlix”? (Cue The More You Know music.)

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Threaten Vengeance

Really, any specific threat will be more effective than saying that you’ll “get” someone. “I’ll get you for this!” Even as a kid that seemed way to vague. I know, you’re thinking that the vagueness makes it more threatening, but being clear about your intentions will make the danger seem more real, since they’ll be able to picture the specific act you’re threatening.

Also, making said threat from atop a throne of skulls will help.

Looking at the first and fourth panels of this comic illustrated the fact that a drawing that looks okay tiny can look really jacked up when you zoom in. A less lazy cartoonist would have redrawn it, but we all know I don’t roll that way, when I can be bothered to roll at all.

Note from Missy: I always love when there’s punctuation profanity, so I can play the “what word is that replacing?” game. (Also, did you know that a set of punctuation used to replace profanity is known as a “grawlix”? (Cue The More You Know music.)

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Explain Sex to Your Child

Learning about sex through trial and error is one of the many ideas that started as a bit from my standup act that I could never get to work. I had an awful lot of those, a fact which speaks for itself.

I think one way to diminish teen pregnancies would be to make a horror movie in which a couple has a baby that then turns evil and tries to kill them. I only saw Jaws once as a kid, but I couldn’t swim, even in a pool, without thinking about it for many years after.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Explain Sex to Your Child

Learning about sex through trial and error is one of the many ideas that started as a bit from my standup act that I could never get to work. I had an awful lot of those, a fact which speaks for itself.

I think one way to diminish teen pregnancies would be to make a horror movie in which a couple has a baby that then turns evil and tries to kill them. I only saw Jaws once as a kid, but I couldn’t swim, even in a pool, without thinking about it for many years after.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Call in Sick

I once had a prolonged conversation with several coworkers about what the best illness to get is. I argued on behalf of Strep Throat. It’s non-debilitating, has obvious outward symptoms, can be diagnosed with scientific proof, is treatable, and no sane employer wants you anywhere near their other employees until it has cleared up.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Call in Sick

I once had a prolonged conversation with several coworkers about what the best illness to get is. I argued on behalf of Strep Throat. It’s non-debilitating, has obvious outward symptoms, can be diagnosed with scientific proof, is treatable, and no sane employer wants you anywhere near their other employees until it has cleared up.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Explain Yourself to a Doctor

I feel bad for my doctor. Really, for doctors in general. We all focus on the fact that many of them make really good money, but we don’t think much about what they do to earn that money. I’m not even talking about the pressure, which has to be unbelievably intense.

It can feel silly to try to tell a doctor how your symptoms feel, but the doctor has to listen to your vague, idiosyncratic descriptions and try to figure out what “it feels like my brain is vibrating” means. Nobody likes giving a urine or fecal sample, but would you really rather receive the sample? And don’t get me started on the prostate exam. Guys act like it’s this terrible experience that the doctors force on them, but they don’t think about the fact that the doctor doesn’t enjoy the prostate exams either. I promise you, if it didn’t actually have the potential to save your life, the doctor would probably avoid doing them at all cost. And yes, there are times when the problem you bring to the doctor is humiliating for you to discuss, but the doctor has to listen to you discuss it, then probably ask to see it, or if they’re particularly unlucky, palpate it.

Doctors earn their money.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Explain Yourself to a Doctor

I feel bad for my doctor. Really, for doctors in general. We all focus on the fact that many of them make really good money, but we don’t think much about what they do to earn that money. I’m not even talking about the pressure, which has to be unbelievably intense.

It can feel silly to try to tell a doctor how your symptoms feel, but the doctor has to listen to your vague, idiosyncratic descriptions and try to figure out what “it feels like my brain is vibrating” means. Nobody likes giving a urine or fecal sample, but would you really rather receive the sample? And don’t get me started on the prostate exam. Guys act like it’s this terrible experience that the doctors force on them, but they don’t think about the fact that the doctor doesn’t enjoy the prostate exams either. I promise you, if it didn’t actually have the potential to save your life, the doctor would probably avoid doing them at all cost. And yes, there are times when the problem you bring to the doctor is humiliating for you to discuss, but the doctor has to listen to you discuss it, then probably ask to see it, or if they’re particularly unlucky, palpate it.

Doctors earn their money.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Tell a Good Story

My best friend through pretty much all of my school years was a guy named Chip. One day, when we were high school seniors, I think, he says to me, “Did I ever tell you the story of Mesmer?”

I said, “No.”

He said, “There was this guy who invented hypnotism. His name was Mesmer. He called it Mesmerism.”

We sat in silence for a moment, then we laughed at how pointless the story was, and how badly he’d told it. (To his credit, he laughed at himself harder than I laughed at him.)

As terrible as the story was, of all the stories I’ve ever been told, it’s the one I’ve retold the most.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Tell a Good Story

My best friend through pretty much all of my school years was a guy named Chip. One day, when we were high school seniors, I think, he says to me, “Did I ever tell you the story of Mesmer?”

I said, “No.”

He said, “There was this guy who invented hypnotism. His name was Mesmer. He called it Mesmerism.”

We sat in silence for a moment, then we laughed at how pointless the story was, and how badly he’d told it. (To his credit, he laughed at himself harder than I laughed at him.)

As terrible as the story was, of all the stories I’ve ever been told, it’s the one I’ve retold the most.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).