How to Call a Relative

This strip was written in jest. How sad is it that I have to clarify that?

I have a pretty good relationship with my immediate family, and bear no ill will toward my extended family. I’d be perfectly happy to live in the same town as them if they lived somewhere fit for human habitation.

I know that’s a harsh thing to say. There are people who love the combination of harsh winters, brutal summers, crushing isolation, lack of opportunity, and the omnipresent smell of manure. That’s their thing, and it’s not my place to judge. It is may place to avoid their place, and I do.

Note from Missy: I find it deliciously prescient that this strip was written when we still lived in the same state as his family, but we then proceeded to move three time zones away.

Good news everybody! My most recent novel The Authorities is available now!

I ended up removing the tradmark symbol from the official title. It was playing havoc with the Amazon search algorithm.

NOTE: There was a problem with the link earlier, but it's workign now. Sorry for the trouble.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Call a Relative

This strip was written in jest. How sad is it that I have to clarify that?

I have a pretty good relationship with my immediate family, and bear no ill will toward my extended family. I’d be perfectly happy to live in the same town as them if they lived somewhere fit for human habitation.

I know that’s a harsh thing to say. There are people who love the combination of harsh winters, brutal summers, crushing isolation, lack of opportunity, and the omnipresent smell of manure. That’s their thing, and it’s not my place to judge. It is may place to avoid their place, and I do.

Note from Missy: I find it deliciously prescient that this strip was written when we still lived in the same state as his family, but we then proceeded to move three time zones away.

Good news everybody! My most recent novel The Authorities is available now!

I ended up removing the tradmark symbol from the official title. It was playing havoc with the Amazon search algorithm.

NOTE: There was a problem with the link earlier, but it's workign now. Sorry for the trouble.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Play Poker

For a short time, America went crazy for poker. Missy and I were as guilty as anyone else, and we both reached a level of mastery I think one would call “semi-competent amateur.” (Missy was much better at it than I was, which will surprise nobody who’s actually met us.)

I actually went so far as to enter two non-money tournaments. (Missy entered some real money tournaments as well.) I managed to come in second in the first tournament I played, but it wasn’t due to good play on my part. I think it was my unorthodox table image. I comported myself as a friendly but shy guy who didn’t talk trash and was there primarily to have fun. Turns out that persona made a lot of the other players instantly angry, so much so that they were still hostile the next time we played.

Good news everybody! My most recent novel The Authorities™ is available now!

NOTE: There was a problem with the link earlier, but it's workign now. Sorry for the trouble.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Play Poker

For a short time, America went crazy for poker. Missy and I were as guilty as anyone else, and we both reached a level of mastery I think one would call “semi-competent amateur.” (Missy was much better at it than I was, which will surprise nobody who’s actually met us.)

I actually went so far as to enter two non-money tournaments. (Missy entered some real money tournaments as well.) I managed to come in second in the first tournament I played, but it wasn’t due to good play on my part. I think it was my unorthodox table image. I comported myself as a friendly but shy guy who didn’t talk trash and was there primarily to have fun. Turns out that persona made a lot of the other players instantly angry, so much so that they were still hostile the next time we played.

Good news everybody! My most recent novel The Authorities™ is available now!

NOTE: There was a problem with the link earlier, but it's workign now. Sorry for the trouble.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Answer the Phone

KACA was the station ID of an actual radio station, one at which I worked for a short time. It did not, in fact, “rock like a sum’bitch.” KACA was an easy listening station in Prosser, Washington, a town built around a potato processing plant that would periodically release a burst of flaming gas into the sky Blade Runner style. I never did get a straight answer as to what they did to the potatoes to make them that flammable.

Four days of the week I had the 3:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. shift. On the fifth day I was 11:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. I’d sit there, watching the potato-plume while playing Neil Diamond for insomniac farmers. Towards the end of my time there we held the biggest contest in the station’s history. The prize was a one year lease of a Geo Metro. Each day we’d have people call in to get a chance at the car. Recording the calls, a simple matter of pressing a button in any properly equipped station, required unhooking three different pieces of equipment then rewiring them together in a different configuration, taking and recording the call, wrapping it up fast, then wiring everything back together the way it was originally before the block of three songs that were playing ended. If you got anything wrong the microphone wouldn’t work when you tried to announce the next ABBA track.

It was a terrible job. It is also the only job from which I’ve ever been fired. 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Answer the Phone

KACA was the station ID of an actual radio station, one at which I worked for a short time. It did not, in fact, “rock like a sum’bitch.” KACA was an easy listening station in Prosser, Washington, a town built around a potato processing plant that would periodically release a burst of flaming gas into the sky Blade Runner style. I never did get a straight answer as to what they did to the potatoes to make them that flammable.

Four days of the week I had the 3:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m. shift. On the fifth day I was 11:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. I’d sit there, watching the potato-plume while playing Neil Diamond for insomniac farmers. Towards the end of my time there we held the biggest contest in the station’s history. The prize was a one year lease of a Geo Metro. Each day we’d have people call in to get a chance at the car. Recording the calls, a simple matter of pressing a button in any properly equipped station, required unhooking three different pieces of equipment then rewiring them together in a different configuration, taking and recording the call, wrapping it up fast, then wiring everything back together the way it was originally before the block of three songs that were playing ended. If you got anything wrong the microphone wouldn’t work when you tried to announce the next ABBA track.

It was a terrible job. It is also the only job from which I’ve ever been fired. 

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Wrap a Gift

The first Christmas after Missy and I moved to Orlando to work at Walt Disney World, we wrapped all of our Christmas gifts with park maps. I still think it was one of the best ideas we’ve ever had. The maps were colorful, unique, made it clear who the gifts had come from, and cost us nothing, which was very important on a Walt Disney World cast member’s salary.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Wrap a Gift

The first Christmas after Missy and I moved to Orlando to work at Walt Disney World, we wrapped all of our Christmas gifts with park maps. I still think it was one of the best ideas we’ve ever had. The maps were colorful, unique, made it clear who the gifts had come from, and cost us nothing, which was very important on a Walt Disney World cast member’s salary.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Tell a Joke

One of my older brother's best friends back in high school would tell jokes that made absolutely no sense. When the joke-recipient didn't laugh, he would always say, "Ha! It went over your head and below your feet," in a singsong voice. He would recover from saying something that wasn't funny by saying something else that wasn't funny, about how the other person didn't know what was funny. I'm sad to admit that I actually find the compound-irony of that kinda funny.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).

How to Tell a Joke

One of my older brother's best friends back in high school would tell jokes that made absolutely no sense. When the joke-recipient didn't laugh, he would always say, "Ha! It went over your head and below your feet," in a singsong voice. He would recover from saying something that wasn't funny by saying something else that wasn't funny, about how the other person didn't know what was funny. I'm sad to admit that I actually find the compound-irony of that kinda funny.

You can comment on this comic on Facebook.

As always, thanks for using my Amazon Affiliate links (US, UK, Canada).