How to Be Persuasive
Panel 3 is one of the best drawings of myself I ever did. Yes, I’m aware that in it I look insane.
The tall chair thing is something LBJ used to do. He had a specific chair, in which only he was allowed to sit, installed in Air Force One. It, and the desk in front of it, were designed so that he could adjust their height, ensuring that he would tower over the people seated around him.
Also, if you look at the desks on late night talk shows you’ll see that the host’s seat is always higher than the guests’ chair. Andy Kaufman made a joke about it in a PBS special once. (Think about that for a moment. There was a time that Andy Kaufman was doing specials on PBS!)
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How to Help Pick a Baby Name
This is one of the meanest comics I wrote. I also like it more than most. I do want to make it clear that all of the insults are aimed at Jenkins, not his girlfriend or their unborn child. Making fun of either of them would be unconscionable, in my opinion. The child didn’t do anything wrong, and while the girlfriend made one bad decision (getting in a relationship with Jenkins), I’m sure she’s already suffered for it.
Note from Missy: If this were written today, I’d probably ask Scott to name the baby “Burdyn” instead (or “Burdynne” for a girl), since that seems to be the way the last 8 years have taken us.
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How to Choose a Nickname
Okay, I want to tell this story, but I need to be careful about what I say, and how I say it.
I had a coworker at one of the Disney locations I worked who referred to himself, in the third person, as “The Maverick.” Literally. He would enter a room and say, “Uh oh! Here comes the Maverick!”
I may have mentioned here that I don’t have a lot of faith in my own memory as far as dates, times, and important tasks go. Sci-Fi movies, dialog from The Simpsons, and times I’ve been insulted, those I remember for life. I need to write everything else down. So, I always carried a notebook with me at work, and would jot down notes as needed.
One day, The Maverick saw me writing down a reminder about something and confronted me about it. It seems at his previous location, in one of the theme parks, his coworkers had taken detailed notes of his “activities,” creating a paper trail that led to his being given the choice of either transferring out of that specific area, or being terminated.
I can’t say what he was doing wrong without getting into a lot more detail than I can here, but I can tell you that he was NOT endangering anybody’s safety, management was right to threaten to fire him, and the guests who complained were all from the same racial background. I know all this because he told me what he did, proudly, still utterly convinced that he was right.
Stories like this are why I believe, deep in my heart, that in any line of work where the jobs are filled by human beings, there will be a certain number of them who are incompetent or deranged enough to be a problem, but not quite enough to have been fired yet. We tend to overestimate the numbers of these problem people, because they’re the ones we hear about, either in amusing anecdotes, or on the evening news.
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How to Select a Dish to Bring to an Office Potluck
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If your workplace holds a potluck during the regular lunch break, in the regular lunchroom, it is not a celebration. It’s an ordinary meal break, but with everyone sharing their sack lunch.
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How to Appreciate American Cuisine
The first time this comic ran I received more than one e-mail from readers who had worked at McDonalds, claiming that the reason their Diet Coke tastes better is that they clean the soda fountain and supply lines according to Coca-Cola’s guidelines.
Whether that’s true or not, it’s a great piece of PR for McDonalds to put out there. “We’re not saying our competitors’ restaurants are filthy. Your taste buds are saying it. We’re just agreeing.”
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How to Vent
Yes, I wrote this after watching a Christmas choral performance. Yes, I stood there, too distracted by my disdain for the conductor to enjoy the music.
He just looked so nauseatingly pleased with himself, standing with his back to the audience, waving his fingers while other people sang. Then, when the song was over, he took a big theatrical bow as the audience applauded. I wanted to shout, “Nobody’s applauding you, jackass! Now sit down, you’re blocking my view of the talented people!”
There are those who have heard that story and accused me of not having much Christmas spirit.
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How to Overcome Your Fear
When I wrote this, Missy and I lived in Orlando. Designing a city to be a great place to visit sort of makes it a bizarre place to live. For example, there is a high school across the street from one of the back walls of Universal Islands of Adventure. You can see the spires of Hogwarts castle from the school’s parking lot. You can hear the riders on the rollercoasters screaming as you drive past the football field. Can you imagine what torture that must be for the students on a pleasant spring day? Growing up in Eastern Washington I used to sit in class and stare longingly out the window, and I was looking at asparagus fields and feed lots.
Note from Missy: I went into my photo archives and found a picture of a little bird licking inside Scott’s ear. Man, I miss that one specific part of Gatorland.
How to Criticize Someone You Respect Deeply
Luckily, George Lucas is no longer involved in the production of new Star Wars films, and as such the newer movies generate zero controversy or complaints.
Whenever someone publicly declares that the latest whatever has RUINED Star Wars, I like to think that George Lucas calls Kathleen Kennedy and just laughs.
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How to Create a Tale of Suspense
Ric actually has highly refined taste in music, which is why it pleases me to suggest that he loves Right Said Fred.
Ric is a Jazz aficionado. (I prefer to call them “Jazzies.” He prefers it when I don’t.) He subscribes to a magazine about the state of Jazz music and the careers of the great Jazz musicians of our day. The way he tells it, the magazine is a monthly litany of apathy, poverty, and degradation.
It is called Downbeat, which he agrees with me, is apt.
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